Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Blog The First: In which we meet our heroine and pass judgement upon her

Hi.  My name is Kristina and I like to write things.  It is for this reason that I enter the world of Blog. 

I think that this blog will be mostly centered around my gardening.  About four years ago, I started putting seeds in dirt.  I didn’t know anything about what a plant needs to grow, aside from the fact that soil and water and sunlight were vaguely necessary.  Things grew, but they were mostly unimpressive. 

Basic facts, like that plants also need fertilizer, or that some plants liked more sun than others, or that tomatoes only grew in a certain season, were beyond me.  I did not know that snails were often harmful to plants, so I encouraged their presence because they amused me.  That first attempt was pretty much a dismal failure – I did get some tomatoes actually, but they were nasty, probably because they were grown in very small pots with no fertilizer.

Now, I kick ass at gardening.  Look at some of this badass plants I grew:

Of course, I couldn’t have done it without my partner in farm and love, Paul.  Paul is a very intelligent man who likes science and grew up in the country and thus knows all sorts of things that bore the shit out of me, but are nevertheless necessary.  He has spent most of his adult life using knives and drills and hammers on people’s feet, and so has a high tolerance for doing grody stuff.  Without him, there would probably still be a pigeon stuck in the chicken feeder.  He also has excellent digging, building and lifting skills, as all good men should.  He also has the potential to be pretty damn amusing.

I live in Adelaide, which you may or may not have heard of.  It is a smallish Australian city, which other urban-dwelling Australians disparage for being a “piss-ant” town and “the city of churches”.  Let me tell you something about this city: Adelaide is awesome.  Oh sure, there aren’t many jobs, and I wouldn’t know about nightlife excitement, and the people are sort of vaguely airheaded, but it is the most genuinely smiley place I have ever been.  The weather is usually amazing, there’s a very low crime rate and almost no traffic, and there are at least five billion public parks.  For the Americans: imagine you removed the entire population of southern California and replaced it with all the people in one of those northern mid-Western states who voted for Obama, then added some cute marsupials and made their accents all Britishy.  That’s what Adelaide is like.  Ben Folds even wrote a song about it.

By the way, I grew up in New York City.  So don’t give me any shit about liking Adelaide.  Because no matter where you are from, New York is better.  I just really, really hate snow and being sexually harassed on the street. 

Other various facts about me:
-       I am the person who has to pet any friendly dog or cat that I come across.
-       I read voraciously.  When I think about all the books that I’ll never read, it makes me sad.
-       I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up (I will be 26 this year and this whole ‘time marching on’ thing is really getting to me).
-       When people use the term ‘begs the question’ incorrectly, I lose some respect for them. 
-       I wish I were back in school.
-       I get into periods where I am a really good, devoted exerciser.  Then?  Nada.
-       Depending on the situation, I can see how an animal’s life would be more valuable than a human’s.  I support the people that go around rescuing animals after a huge disaster.  I don’t really care that you think that’s crazy.   
-       I’m not a fan of religion.  But I probably won’t say anything about your religion, unless it sucks in which case all bets are off. 
o      Richard Dawkins smiled at me once.  True story.
-       I really, really don’t give a shit about celebrity breakdowns. 
-       My ideal world is one in which we all live in fairly small, self-sufficient farming communities and devote ourselves to enrichment of the mind, the earth, and the future.  But that shit’s pretty pollyanna really, so I’ll settle for a government that doesn’t actively kill a lot of people or hate gays and the women.  

Do you like me yet?  Please say yes.  Despite my tough exterior, I really do care, you guys.  Look, I'll even give you a silly cute dog picture.


  1. yes, you are likeable! just like your awesome pizza tshirts!

  2. I dont' know if my last comment went through, so trying again--- anyway, love the blog, looking forward to future posts. there better be more because I've added you to my google reader.

  3. Oh, I think there will be - blogs are the way you get famous and successful now, right? Like they totally replaced hard work and sacrifice, which our generation was not bred for at any rate.

  4. Indeed... I see this blog as your path to success in life. Like Dooce, but better. I'm also hoping that when you become famous that I'll get something out of it... like a new car or a fabulous all-expenses paid trip to San Diego.